Everything changes… time changes, the weather changes,  seasons change, the world is changing… so why is it so difficult for me to change.

I don’t like who I am.  I don’t remember a time when I did.  I realized early in life that I don’t fit in.  I am different… not the cool kind of different either… the odd kind.  I have been trying for several years to change who I am with no success.

 I talk way too much about things that nobody wants to hear.  People really don’t want to hear about the silly things my kids say, the insane things my dog does or about how much I love my horse and what a fun time I had at the barn.  I try to avoid talking to people to save them the punishment of having to listen to the crazy babbling that is me.  Unfortunately for them, they are often too polite and they engage me in conversation… and that’s when it all falls to pieces.  The brain all too often disengages and the mouth just takes over and they are left suffering in silence as I ramble on about something idiotic.  The lucky people are the ones smart enough to avoid me altogether or just politely nod in passing.  I am thoughtful enough that I don’t chase them down just to gab.  At least I  realize that I have a problem.  I don’t know what real people talk about.  I don’t follow politics, quite frankly, I don’t understand it.  I listen to the news, but my perception and opinions are quite often wrong.  Nobody really wants to talk about the weather, so what else is there?

I am also a terrible housekeeper.  I would be mortified if anyone were to come over for a visit.  Fortunately for me that doesn’t happen because of that “talking thing” I have going on.  So I guess in one way it works in my favour.  I would like to be the “neat freak” and have a house that is spotless, but that seems to be beyond my abilities.  Some days I get a burst of energy and things get tidied, dusted, swept and even mopped… and then the headache sets in from all the dust… and then there’s the dishes… and the laundry… and 2 spare bedrooms that no longer seem to have a floor.  I start many things, but I never finish anything.  It’s a wonder my husband puts up with me.  He doesn’t get mad, or yell and scream at me, he just navigates his way through the mess, as if it doesn’t exist.  I really have to thank my lucky stars that this man sees my multitude of shortcomings and flaws and loves me in spite of  it all.

So I will continue my struggle to change into something better and if I should happen to run into somewhere in your travels, I will do my best not to talk to you.  For those of you who chose to read this post in its entirety, thanks for sticking it out and listening to the ramblings of a crazy woman… and I apologize…


3 Replies to “Changes…”

  1. Andrea: I have a couple of comments to make on this.
    First – your “opinion” can never be wrong. That is the thing – opinions are just that – YOUR idea’s, thought’s – all are based on YOUR perception, life experience, and beliefs – therefore, they can NEVER be wrong.
    Second – you are an individual in the big world and thank goodness your views and interests are different from those of others. Can you imagine if we all shared the SAME interests, and were all at the same point in our lives – Geez! how boring that would be – Life would become stagnant.
    Third – you are a wonderful person that offers your own gifts to those around you – kindness, patience and from what I can put together a significant talent for colour/photography which is evident in your professional life.
    Fourth – housework – it keeps. If someone comes to visit to see how clean your house is – there are not there as a friend – so no loss if they do not come back.
    Fifth – I am going to kick you in the butt if I ever fully commit to going to SJ for visiting purposes – that you can count on…..
    So, Andrea – take that!!!!!
    Your friend,

    1. I am sure you would kick me in the butt too! That’s one thing I LOVE about you, you don’t pull punches. But I can’t help but feel that I annoy people with my chattering about stupid little things.

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