Who am I????

At first glance, it would seem to be one of the simplest questions to answer.  After all, I have been me for my whole life.  A simple question with a complex answer.  Who I am now is not who I was 20 years ago, or even 2 weeks ago.  I have changed so much, yet so little.  Growing up, I was shy and self conscious.  I suffered from constant self-doubt.  Sheltered from the evils of life, I lived in a world of naivety where the worst thing that could happen was being grounded because my room was a mess.

When I was 17, I went out in the world and discovered it wasn’t the friendly place I had thought it was.  I went through a period in my life where I scared: afraid of failing, afraid of not being liked, and afraid that I would have nothing to offer.   I have since grown to understand that life is what we make of it.  On job applications we are asked to mark all that apply.  Descriptions like friendly, out-going, organizational skills and multi-tasking are desired traits.  No-one ever ticks the negative descriptions, but it is my argument that those are the very aspects of our lives that make us strive to succeed.

 Now, some 20 years later, I can best define myself as a shy, out-going person who is complex in her own simplicity.  I am smart, yet still naive and trust too much.  I am confident, but still plagued by self-doubt.  I live in a world that is organized chaos.  I have unwashed dishes in my sink,  clean, but unfolded clothes in my computer room, and a laundry basket that has been affectionately named “the sock bucket”.  There is almost always dust on the TV stand and I still hate to clean my room, but the dust bunnies that live under my couch are happy… and so is my family.  When it comes down to it, that’s all that matters.  I am me, take me as I am.


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